Why is it a struggle to get teens to talk

For some parents getting teens to open up and talk can feel like trying to crack a safe without the code. Because parents are hard wired to support their offspring, they want to know what is going on in their lives. On the other hand, teenagers are beginning to pull away seeking autonomy and independence. These two opposing forces can create a lot of tension and friction within the family. Finding out what is going on with them and how they are feeling can often be frustrating and slow. As parents it’s important to understand the reasons for this being so.

1. Developmental Independence

Teens are naturally pulling away from their parents and other adults as they try to establish their own identity. This often means they want more privacy and the opportunity to handle things on their own. Talking can feel like giving up control.

2. Fear of Judgment or Lectures

Many teens may worry that opening up will lead to being judged or misunderstood. They may think their feelings could be minimised (It’s not that bad, or your over reacting.)

3. Lack of Emotional Vocabulary

Some Teens (not all) may often struggle to identify or express complex emotions. Sometimes they just don’t know how to express their emotions about something they’re not even sure how they feel about.

4. Social Pressures

Peer acceptance becomes extremely important. Teens might not want to admit struggles, weaknesses, or feelings that could make them feel “different” or vulnerable—even at home.

5. Digital Communication Habits

Many teens are used to expressing themselves through texting, memes, or brief social media posts. In-person, face-to-face conversations can feel intense or awkward by comparison.

6. Timing and Environment

Teens often don’t want to talk when adults are ready to listen. They might open up late at night, in the car, or during a casual moment—not during a serious scheduled talk that you have decided that needs to happen on your time.

What Can Help

• Being regularly available without pressuring them to speak.
• If they do mention things, ‘listen without fixing’ don’t impose your own sense of moral superiority over others. Just let them vent, it may be about themselves or others.
• Respect their privacy and trust them with space. If you do, they’ll more likely share when they feel ready.
• Connect with them - this may look like going out for breakfast on a Sunday morning, watching a movie together, watching a few funny online video reels that they engage with, or anything that sparks their interest. 
• Model Openness - If you talk about your own thoughts and struggles appropriately, it gives them permission to do the same. 

Recognize warning signs and pay attention to changes in: Sleep or eating habits, social withdrawal or extreme mood swings. These can be signs they’re struggling emotionally, and it may be time to seek help

If you're trying to connect with a specific teen and want help with how to approach it, feel free to reach out and get some support yourself.