SILENCING THE “MONKEY CHATTER”
Remember the “monkey chatter” in our mind? The inner critic that often plays a significant role in our life. Getting curious about and recognising which inner critic, the perfectionist, the guilt-tripper, or taskmaster to name a few, lives inside your mind was the first step in silencing the “monkey chatter”. So, what do we do now?
Well, I’m glad you asked!
WE TAKE NOTICE
Taking notice of when you are being self-critical is fundamental. Maybe like me, before I learned about this stuff, you do not realise when you are being self-critical. The key is to catch it! When you feel bad about something, stop and think about what you have just said to yourself. Be as accurate and detailed as you can, noting your inner dialogue word-for-word. What are the words you use? Are there certain phrases you use regularly? Is the tone you use harsh or angry? Does the voice remind you of anyone from your past who criticised you? You want to get to know your inner critic well and know when it is active. Perhaps your inner critic says “you are gross” or “you have no discipline” when you have eaten the whole packet of biscuits. Try to get clear on how you talk to yourself.
WE TEMPER THE SELF-CRITICAL VOICE
Make a real effort to temper your critical voice with compassion rather than self-judgement. Instead of saying “you are such a nightmare” say “I know you’re worried about me and feel unsafe, but you’re causing me unnecessary pain. Could you let my inner compassionate self say something now?”
WE REFRAME IN A POSITVE MANNER
Reframe the observations of your inner critic is a positive manner. As an example, you could say “ I know you ate the packet of biscuits because you are feeling sad right now and you thought it would make you feel better. But you feel even worse, and you are not feeling good in your body. I want you to feel good, so why don’t you go for a walk, so you feel better?” If it feels natural to you, using terms of endearment like “sweetheart or darling” can help to strengthen feelings of warm and comfort. Imagining what a caring and compassionate friend would say to you in this situation might help you find the words to use.
Research has shown that we can alter our brain-chemistry by releasing oxytocin via our mammalian caregiving system. We achieve this by offering physical gestures of warmth to ourselves. For you to benefit from the release of this “feel good” hormone you could place your hand over your heart or hold your face tenderly as you say these endearing words to yourself. The feelings of warmth and caring will follow the act of being kind to yourself.
As you can see, having a positive impact on our inner-critic is not an onerous task, it just takes a willingness to practice noticing, tempering, and re-framing and before long you will have silenced the “monkey chatter”.